Lately, on my own journey, and as witness to other journeys in my sessions, I have this question. What does healing mean? Should healing be called healing? Another term emerges as the true process becomes more clear.
Let me explain what I have been dropping into lately...
In our humanity, all of us are wounded children and this becomes evident on this journey when you realize everything we believe about ourselves is from the childhood experiences that shape us...then the subsequent experiences created by some of our not so awesome choices, based on what we have come to believe about ourselves! You know the ones we can be really self righteous about and feel entitled to? We may throw ourselves under a bus over and over in the name of getting some need met that really no longer exists, because it was a need of the child, not the adult to begin with. It takes a lot of facing ourselves and following the clues back to the original wound; these are the ah ha and ugh shit moments.
The good news is, we can get better at not shame spiraling if we have compassion and grace already on tap while sitting in the awareness of it's necessity. If you go into this dark cave to find those clues without your friend compassion, then the shame spiral will indeed spit you back out, and you will again be adding to your own trauma and false belief systems. Now you have taken over for the original trauma and it's off to the races! It's so fun! 😬
I have been weaving this thread since I participated in an Iboga ceremony about 10 months ago. Of course I am witness to this truth after a few thousand sessions, but it hits different when you are trapped inside your subconscious mind, while still having absolute awareness of the 3d world. This is how I experienced Iboga. I won't go too deep into it, today I am grateful for all the beautiful unravelings; to share it all would have to be in book form. The most prominant thing to share, is that I witnessed myself at birth through my own eyes, as a spectator, and every subsequent moment of trauma up to present day. That was excruciating, but what was even more painful was the witnessing of my mind making up who I was, what I deserved and how my subsequent behavior, based on all of that, effected other people and myself.
This is true for all of us and I believe the process we call healing can only truly begin by the acknowledgement of this truth. We must find the courage to seek the clues that lead us back to the self, then welcome them into the space of compassion for integration. It is a repetitious trust building exercise with self, God and your guides. We can do this while also having the awareness that we are powerful light beings. Embracing and then transmuting these un-truths is all part of our souls journey, it is not simply happenstance that these wounds were created. They are our souls way to clear karma, to transcend, to resurrect in this life.
So, do we ever really heal in the way healing has been presented? I believe healing is an intentional dance between the wounded child, the adult who is trying to make sense of it all, and the eternal soul self who is seeing to the divine unfolding of this movie called life.
There is a unique recipe for each of us. There are such intricacies that only the soul knows, that can only unfold through the bravery of our humanity and the honoring of our souls intention for being here.
I believe the benchmark of what we call healing is not the disappearance of the wounded child, it is the synthesis of that child, as the current human and the truth of our soul as light, a fractal of God. We were sent to be pure love, to synthesize the illusion of flawed and powerless through the journey of the child to the light, to unique purpose. We can begin understanding that we, all of us, are each other. We are the trees, the ocean, the earth, the rocks, animals... We are nature. We are not our pain. We are pure magic.
This, to me, is the circle of life.
A circle isn't a circle unless we draw the whole thing, otherwise it's just a thing we left undone until it becomes something else.
So, i'll just be over here synthesising ...
I've been taking a lot of notes along the way, so if you care to lock arms...I'm here for it xo
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